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Sr. Burns – Esse é o tipo ideal para representar o governador em reuniões com o empresariado, em visitas à FIESP, conversas com banqueiros, negociações com sindicatos e demais eventos onde se faz necessário evidenciar posturas conservadoras. Ideal para anunciar propostas que são contrárias aos interesses da população mais pobre de maneira ininteligível. Ótimo também para implementar no nível estadual medidas do tipo “rampa anti-mendigo” e “puxar carroça só na base da força humana, nada de animais de tração”.
Hommer – Figura especialmente utilizada para a comunicação com a classe-média sem pedigree. Muito eficiente nas conversas com donos de padarias, taxistas, vendedores de seguros, barbeiros, proprietários de mercadinhos e oficinas mecânicas, que no geral ascenderam socialmente longe do mundo acadêmico e que pautam seu reacionarismo não na leitura de Veja, Estadão e Folha, mas apenas na simples audiência do Jornal Nacional – que diga-se de passagem, é elaborado para um exército de ‘Hommers Simpsons”, como afirmou a própria extensão de teleprompter chamada William Bonner. Esse sósia do governador deverá proferir frases do tipo “Boris Casoy é inteligente” e “vamos por a Rota na rua” para garantir a empatia de seu nicho.
Hannibal Lecter – Portando um ar de intelectualidade e refinado nível cultural, esse sósia terá forte impacto na classe média que preza por seu diploma universitário e alardeia seu gosto por MPB. Irá representar o governador em diversos círculos da alta sociedade, dará palestras de filosofia para grupos de empresários que se sentem vazios e nos quais a terapia não surte mais efeito e será entrevistado em programas como o do Amaury Junior e Estilo Ramy. No mundo acadêmico, será querido especialmente por cientistas políticos, sociólogos e economistas. Não agradará historiadores. Se a intelectualidade do indivíduo for vazia e pueril, baseada na leitura de Veja, Folha, Estadão, algumas orelhas de livros e nos gracejos de Diogo Maynard e Arnaldo Jabor, é bom não ficar sozinho com esse sósia, pois seu corpo sem alma poderia ser devorado por ele.
Nosferatu – Especialmente treinado para encontros noturnos com setores do empresariado desejosos de obter facilidades do Estado. Muito bom para tratar com máfias de vampiros e sanguessugas. Esse sósia além de proteger o governador, será protegido pela ala tucana da Polícia Federal e a grande mídia em geral. Não será possível de forma alguma encontrá-lo de dia. Quem ousar fotografá-lo ou lançar luz sobre suas relações escusas, correrá o risco de ser massacrado no Jornal Nacional, Folha, Estadão, Veja, Época e demais veículos que são sequiosos de um segundo turno eleitoral quando lhes é conveniente.
Smeagol / Criatura Gollun – Esse ser estranho fará a interlocução com as demais forças políticas que perderam o anel de poder após o fim da ditadura militar, como os caciques do PFL por exemplo. Se unirá com diversos políticos conservadores de direita e juntos, com lágrimas escorrendo pela face, ficarão com as mãos unidas e olhando para o distante Palácio do Planalto em Brasília, repetindo tristemente seu mantra: “my precious... my precious...”
Blip – Esse é o macaquinho que trabalhava para o Space Ghost. Cansou de receber uma mixaria e de ser assediado pelo fantasma espacial em suas viagens solitárias. Agora vai ser representante do governador entre os paulistas que não agüentam mais o PSDB mas vão ter que segurar o mico mais 4 anos.
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